Why?

How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I’m sorry for the things I’ve done
But when I start to try to tell you
That’s when you have to tell me
Hey… this kind of trouble’s only just begun
I tell myself too many times
Why don’t you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That’s why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Tell me…
Why
Why

I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you’re thinking
And I’ve heard it said too many times
That you’d be better off
Besides…
Why can’t you see this boat is sinking
(this boat is sinking this boat is sinking)
Let’s go down to the water’s edge
we can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out turning inside out
Tell me…
Why
Tell me…
Why

This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I’ll never tread
These are the dreams I’ll dream instead
This is the joy that’s seldom spread
These are the tears…
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel
’cause i don’t think you know how I feel
I don’t think you know what I feel
I don’t think you know what I fear
You don’t know what I fear

(Annie Lennox, “Why” )

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I tell myself too many times
Why don’t you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut

There may be such a thing as excessive communication. I love to talk. I know the facetious response to that would be “you’re a woman, of course you do”. Anyway, yes, talking. I’m pretty verbally facile and don’t usually have a problem expressing myself. Lately though it’s been getting me into trouble. My ex friend and I go back and forth endlessly. I waver between having nothing to say and being unable to contain my outrage during certain arguments. I have been doing nothing but sticking my foot in my mouth all week. I say things only to have to rephrase. I am clumsy. The words get all mixed up in my head. I have frequently restrained the desire to fling my cellphone/landline/laptop HARD against a wall from sheer frustration. I wish I could just not speak. But I can’t. I keep picking picking picking at it. I want so badly to feign nonchalance, but I can’t. I want all of this to be over.